I'm Back!

Wow, I had no idea it had been so long since I blogged. Guess I've been doing really well so had nothing to say - ha! ha! Actually, I've just been very busy, mostly with traveling. Not a lot to complain about, well, except physical pain which has given me a different kind of humility.

I've judged others who are in chronic pain for no apparent reason. I've thought that they should exercise more, lose weight, or meditate. Now I know that sometimes, one cannot control physical ailments. I've tried almost everything for my current chronic pain and the best thing to do is rest.

Unfortunately, when I rest too much, I tend to get depressed which is a different kind of pain. My solution, just for today? I tried other kinds of exercise: one is writing quickly at my keyboard in order to get out a lot of frustration and exercise my brain cells - the other is to bicycle rather than walk.

The latter was always my favorite form of exercise but when my doctor told me I should walk instead because it is weight-bearing, I stopped. Then a friend of mine in Europe told me that older people there bicycle when walking is painful and do just fine. So other than the fact that the hills around here are difficult for someone who hasn't biked in a while, I was able to move virtually pain-free.

So even in our darkest hour when we think there is no way out, that we have run out of choices, that there is no solution, if we "keep an open mind" and "listen and learn" we often hear just what we need to hear. My brain woke up and got out of its depression by using my negative energy, feeling down and frustrated and a bit angry, to write. And my body woke up aerobically when I discovered an old favorite form of exercise.

I've also learned that I can accomplish just as much mentally, physically, and spiritually by doing a little bit at a time rather than a bunch all at once, which is how I used to operate. I'm even beginning to practice the piano and vocalize a bit. I'm not spending hours a day on anything and finding I can fit so much more in a day when I stop thinking I have to do everything in blocks of two hours.

So I'm back to blogging because "just for today" I had a few extra minutes :-)

Keep An Open Mind

Hello everyone. I've been blogging elsewhere but realized again last night how important it is to continue to share my Al-Anon story with anyone, anywhere, reaching out for help. We never know how our experience, strength, and hope (ESH) will touch others' lives. For example, I spoke at a speakers meeting last night. Honestly, I don't recall much of what I shared or the order of events in my story. I do know that my sponsor told me it was a good interweaving of my story and service work. And enough people told me it was a good talk, thanking me, that I must have spoken the words my Greater Power wanted me to speak.

I do remember talking about what I've learned recently about letting go and letting God, again, about letting go of trying to control my children was the first lesson I learned in Al-Anon. You see, we Al-Anons don't just try to control the alcoholics in our lives - we often try to control all the people, places, and things. That's what I was doing this fall. And I had gotten depressed over the whole situation, even angry at God that things weren't going my way. But God had a different plan than me, and it didn't unfold until I let go of the problem (or at least until my letting go let me see that God was working all along - my perception).

Then this week I was reading in some Al-Anon literature and read something "new" - that one of our slogans is "Keep An Open Mind" - it's even in our opening or closing. Even though I've been coming to meetings for a long, long time, and reading the literature, I had never really heard that slogan. How funny. We're just not ready until we are ready. So now my job is to figure out what "Keep An Open Mind" means for me. I do know that I come from a family that is extremely close-minded, and as such, so am I most of the time. It takes a long time for me to change my mind or learn a different side to the story.

The first opportunity I had for this was in my thirties when I started questioning my religion and certain beliefs that didn't make sense. I was in a class and the leader said that God loves us better than non-believers. My question was about God changing his love for us according to our actions if God stays the same. I was practically scolded and thus began my journey to find the God of my own understanding. That God, by the way, doesn't change. What does change is my concept of that God as I get to know Her better and better, as I let Her into my life and rely more and more on Her in my daily doings.

So "Keep An Open Mind" means, at this point in my recovery, to not put people, places, things , and God in box. Listen to others at a meeting, especially those you think are only rattling on and saying the same things week after week. You might just learn something. Something you don't know. No matter how long you've been going to meetings. Like I am learning this week, in this moment of time. It's one of those days that I have no plans after a very busy week. One of those uncomfortable places of asking my God to tell me what to do for Her today. So here I am, blogging again...