Al-Anon Lifer

Anonymous sharings from a long-time member of Al-Anon, which is a safe place to recover from the effects of alcoholism in a friend or relative...

Monday, April 18, 2011

It's Okay to Not Visit One's Family

I know that recent readings in Al-Anon's daily readers have spoken about treating one's parents the way we wished they had treated us, but I was reminded by my sponsor today that I've already done that, over and over again. The problem is the reaction I get from them is just more of the same - judgment, criticism, and blame.

I've made my amends for my part and shown them compassion, but now it's time to show myself some compassion, to not continue to put myself in harm's way. When I was raising children, when I realized they were being treated poorly by my parents, I took them out of harm's way.

Now that I have grandchildren, I would never let my parents be alone with them. So why do I continue to put myself in the same room with them?  Is this what forgiveness really is?  No, forgiveness is letting go of the resentments, not feeding the resentments. So just for today, just for now, I am not going to visit my parents.

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At Monday, April 18, 2011 8:11:00 PM, Blogger Cindy said...

WOW! Simple and concise! I agree whole heartedly.

At Wednesday, June 15, 2011 10:20:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great reminder! I have cycled through temporary periods of separation with my family when it was in the best interest of healing.

I think it's important to say though, because I found it so easy to compare my recovery to others based on family issues. And, one of the gifts of recovery I am really grateful for is the ability to make my own family of other people in the program!


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