I'm Back!

Wow, I had no idea it had been so long since I blogged. Guess I've been doing really well so had nothing to say - ha! ha! Actually, I've just been very busy, mostly with traveling. Not a lot to complain about, well, except physical pain which has given me a different kind of humility.

I've judged others who are in chronic pain for no apparent reason. I've thought that they should exercise more, lose weight, or meditate. Now I know that sometimes, one cannot control physical ailments. I've tried almost everything for my current chronic pain and the best thing to do is rest.

Unfortunately, when I rest too much, I tend to get depressed which is a different kind of pain. My solution, just for today? I tried other kinds of exercise: one is writing quickly at my keyboard in order to get out a lot of frustration and exercise my brain cells - the other is to bicycle rather than walk.

The latter was always my favorite form of exercise but when my doctor told me I should walk instead because it is weight-bearing, I stopped. Then a friend of mine in Europe told me that older people there bicycle when walking is painful and do just fine. So other than the fact that the hills around here are difficult for someone who hasn't biked in a while, I was able to move virtually pain-free.

So even in our darkest hour when we think there is no way out, that we have run out of choices, that there is no solution, if we "keep an open mind" and "listen and learn" we often hear just what we need to hear. My brain woke up and got out of its depression by using my negative energy, feeling down and frustrated and a bit angry, to write. And my body woke up aerobically when I discovered an old favorite form of exercise.

I've also learned that I can accomplish just as much mentally, physically, and spiritually by doing a little bit at a time rather than a bunch all at once, which is how I used to operate. I'm even beginning to practice the piano and vocalize a bit. I'm not spending hours a day on anything and finding I can fit so much more in a day when I stop thinking I have to do everything in blocks of two hours.

So I'm back to blogging because "just for today" I had a few extra minutes :-)

Alcoholism - A Killer Disease

My Saturday Al-Anon group was reminded again that alcoholism is a disease that kills. A member shared that her spouse had died. I don't know why we were shocked, but it so seldom happens because most of us have loved ones in recovery. But it could have happened in my life and it still could. I need to be grateful again for recovery, mine as well as others.

It's hard for me to understand that alcoholism is a disease. After all, it's treatment is mostly spiritual rather than with medications or chemotherapy. It is unlike cancer which a close family member is now battling. We don't expect her to get herself to all her doctor and chemo appointments while taking care of children and household chores. Instead, we are willing and able to assist in any way we can. We believe this will help her get better.

With the alcoholics, however, we have had to detach with love and not enable them by trying to fix them or the consequences of their drinking. In the past, this kind of help has only prolonged the disease, keeping them from hitting their bottoms and getting the real help they need. We have had to let go and let God and take care of ourselves, which is the best way to be prepared when the alcoholics ask for help.

We still need to be cautious that we only do for them what they can't do for themselves and what the God of our understanding asks of us. Often this is simply encouraging them in their recovery and spending more time alone while they go to meetings and take on service positions. One of the best ways I've dealt with this aspect is to do my own service work, including positions and sponsoring. This almost always works to get me out of self-pity and the blame game.

After all, I don't blame my loved one for having cancer. I just accept it and take care of myself so I am able to help when I am asked. In this way, dealing with the two diseases is the same. If I let myself go to pot, I'm no good to anybody. I practice "live and let live" so I don't push my opinions on anyone or hover unnecessarily. And sometimes I have to say "no" because I have made another commitment or simply need to have some fun.

My God doesn't expect me to do it all or do it all alone. I also have to ask for help. It's exhausting to deal with someone else's life-threatening disease. Right now, for example, I caught a virus and am still recovering from a secondary infection. I've had to let my housework go and say "yes" to activities that get me out in the sun and out of my head. I've had to take life one day at a time, never knowing from day to day how I will feel or what will be asked of me.

In this way, I know that God will give me the courage and strength I need to do his/her will just for today. I need not go into the future, worrying about someone dying. Neither need I go into the past, regretting my past behavior or thinking about all the woulda, coulda, shouldas. Right now, in this moment, all is well. I'm feeling better. My sick loved one is having a good day. And my spouse is sober. It is easy to have an attitude of gratitude.

It helps me to remember how fragile life is and how much our 12-step programs have helped us hang on to the gift of life. Help me, God, to never forget that alcoholism, like cancer, is a deadly disease.