I Really Am Loved!

Sorry I've been gone from blogland. I was busy getting ready for my whole family of origin's visit. I wasted a lot of energy on what-ifs, you know, FEARs - Future Expectations Appearing Real. None of them really came true. The little things that were said or happened weren't that big, especially when I got my act - my head - my thoughts - together. When I realized that I had lost my serenity, that all I needed to do was say the Serenity Prayer, the God of my understanding took away my negative thoughts and the weekend went well.

That was two weeks ago. This last weekend was the complete opposite. I went to our state's Weekend-In-Al-Anon and heard over and over from people, in their words, smiles, and hugs, that they loved me. I didn't believe them, I never do, because those tapes from my childhood are huge, that I'm not loved, not even liked. But there was an exercise where the whole group whispered affirmations in each others' ears which made me, for the first time, feel truly loved. I need to remember that feeling - that it made me believe it, really, for the first time in my life.

God, let me never again dismiss it when someone tells me they love me or appreciate me, or when someone compliments me or gives me a hug. Let me remember that though my parents don't seem to have the ability to love me the way I needed to be loved as a child or adult, other people do and there are many more of them than in my family of origin. Thank you for my new family as well as for my spouse and the gift of sobriety in my home. Thank you for your love.

Amen.