Doing God's Will

Doing God's will doesn't always feel good. Sometimes, I'd rather just stay home by myself and not answer the phone or doorbell. I'd rather not drive in the dark, on the ice, to meet with a sponsee. I'd rather not adjust my attitude, put on a smile, and drive across town for a pre-Christmas get-together with my children and granddaughter (even though I love them dearly).

I'd rather not be on the road again, first to my parents' for another pre-Christmas thing with my sister and nieces; second to my mother-in-law's to help her move and then partake in a family reunion on Christmas Day. I'm not in the mood to be helpful or merry; neither am I feeling well physically; so I'd rather not show up.

But I will. Because I know it is God's will for me to be there for others. If I've learned nothing else this year, it's that my presence on this earth actually matters to other people - friends, family, sponsees, and sponsors. And if I allow myself to reach out to them in small but significant ways, I will be blessed with that feeling of being connected that got shut off when I was a child.

Instead of feeling all alone, that anyone I love and depend upon will disappear, I will realize and internalize that I am part of a family, albeit imperfect, as well as my Al-Anon family which is infinite, always changing and growing. I am indeed blessed. And so it is with gratitude that I press on, doing God's will for my life even when I don't feel like it.

Chances are that my feelings will change as I add memories to my mental scrapbook:

-my sponsee's adorable baby gobbling down cereal
-my granddaughter saying "baby" in a southern-type accent
-an intimate conversation with my spouse about the meaning of Christmas
-the unexpected discovery of a Canadian sitcom while watching TV in our motel room
-and now, the time to take the dog for a walk before brunch with an old college friend...

Even if I don't feel like showering, getting dressed, and packing up again, doing so is doing God's will. Showing up for life is doing God's will. It's as simple as that.