On the Return of Characer Defects

Oh, those pesky woodpeckers. They show up every spring and where one hole is patched, another hole is drilled right around the corner. Every morning, as I sit down for my cup of coffee and "quiet" time, I almost immediately have to get up, unlock the front door, and step around the front of the house to scare away a woodpecker, often several times. Eventually, if I'm lucky, that works.

But there are days like today when I've been on vacation for a week and the hole is almost ready for a nest. The woodpecker, like a character defect, is more determined to set up housekeeping. I realize that my real problem is more often than not the lack of meetings or mini-meetings with my sponsor, program friends, and sponsees. I've let life get to me and began focusing on stuff, real or imagined.

It doesn't take long for me to get angry at a bird that is just doing what his/her species do. Mainly because I am on the verge of being angry at God for sending me stuff I can barely handle, and certainly not handle alone. I want to fill my life with activity, busyness, to avoid the pain I'm feeling. I start living in the future, or worse, the past. Then I remember to work Step 11 and ask God for guidance Just for Today.

It doesn't take long for serenity to begin to return and my character defects to lift, if indeed I let God do what God does best - give me the wisdom to know what I can and can not do with my current circumstances as well as my loved ones'. When I rely on God, my burdens also lift and life feels easier. I don't have to worry or be depressed or get angry. I can be calm and take care of myself so I am better able to help others. Or I can ask for help from others.

What a concept! Maybe that is what I really need to do. I am only human, after all, and can only handle so much on my own. I'm grateful that I am not alone - I have God, I have Al-Anon, and I have family. Thank you, God, for reminding me of what I've gained from my program. Amen.

Eighth Steppin'

So I did another 8th step today with my sponsor. Turns out I'm the only person I need to make amends to. All the others are 10th steps. So how do I make amends to myself? Well, my sponsor had me write a list of my assets. It was hard at first. You know it's not "nice" to toot our own horn. But after awhile it got easier and my list grew, and so did my self-esteem and self-worth. I really have come a long way. I am a nice person, even good. I'm honest, open, and willing, ready to help, ready to serve, and humble... Well, I don't know about that, not now that I have this list! Ha! It's always a fine balance, this recovery thing. But I do know I'm in a better place than I was, even just a month ago. And I owe it all to my program, my Greater Power, and help from others like my sponsor and program friends. Thank you!