Spiraling UP...

Right now, Just for Today, I feel like I'm in the exact same place I was when I started this blog several years ago. I'm still dealing with unresolved issues with my blood father whom I haven't seen in a decade. Yet, I'm not spiritually in the same place. I've made a lot of progress. For example, this morning when I woke up earlier than usual, feeling down, I decided to change my mood through serious step work.

Because I am feeling powerless over this particular relationship, I worked on Step One. I found the perfect reading in Al-Anon's newest book, Discovering Choices - the introduction to the chapter on detachment. It became clear to me that I was still attempting to control another person, to fix him and the relationship. Even though I haven't done anything outwardly, I spend too much thinking it about it, thinking that I should do something to fix it.

I had to ask God to help me let go of my wanting to control, to surrender, which I thought I had done but apparently not 100%. Will I ever be able to do it 100%? I don't know, but I can continue to ask and continue to release it. I don't have to let it bring me down. I don't need to spiral downward like I have so many other times. Instead, I can spiral upwards towards my goal of serenity. I can invest my time in things I can do and things I want to do.

Just for Today.