Negative No More

Since my last post, I went to a meeting and that has made all the difference. I knew something was wrong with me, that I was sick with the "ism," but nothing seemed to work - not my morning reading and meditation, not the Serentiy Prayer, not slogans, not trying to be grateful. I just couldn't change my "stinking thinking," which I even asked God to remove.

Nope, what I needed was to name the problem, which of course was me. And the meeting, that I didn't really want to go to, that my husband had found while looking for an AA meeting for himself, that was right by our RV park, did that for me. The topic, which I've never heard before in almost 18 years of program, was "negativity." Bingo.

That's what I'd been experiencing - not self-pity, not anger, not resentment, not judgement - just plain old the glass is half empty negativity. Just hearing the word lightened my load. Naming the problem took away its power over me. I could then examine the circumstances that could have sent me into negativity. This time it was this trip where I would see people from my past.
The problem is that I'm grieving those relationships, of what might have been and isn't.

Now that I know why I was not looking forward to the trip, I can give myself permission to be sad but not let that sadness infiltrate every aspect of my life. You can still grieve and find joy in your life at the same time. I know this because I've experienced it. I can also be grateful that that part of our trip is in the past and since then we've enjoyed sunny weather and beautiful scenery. (Strange how the visiting people part was snowy and windy and in the desert.)

Well, it's a beautiful day out so I think I'll enjoy it.