Al-Anon Lifer

Anonymous sharings from a long-time member of Al-Anon, which is a safe place to recover from the effects of alcoholism in a friend or relative...

Sunday, February 24, 2008

One Week Later

Just thought I'd check in to let you all know that I'm alive and well, just on the road with limited wifi access. The weather hasn't been cooperating, but then what did I expect for February? Reminds me a lot of marrying an alcoholic and then expecting a smooth ride, all sunny days, and that proverbial bed of roses. Nevertheless, we're having a good time, visiting a few friends and relatives along the way. It also gives us the chance to get to know each other a little better, on a much different level than when there was active drinking. After 30 some years of that, though, I am still leary to open up about much of anything. I learned a long time ago to basically keep my mouth shut unless it was obvious that I had to speak up for myself or set boundaries. Anytime, it seemed, I stated my opinion, I was put down or trumped with superior knowledge. That still goes on. The alcoholic personality does not dissolve when the alcohol is replaced with program. A.A. after all only promises alcoholics sobriety first and serenity second. In Al-Anon, we learn how to live, just not how not to drink. And I've had program a lot longer than the alcoholic, so I can't expect immediate perfection. So I still protect myself from attacks and one-up-manship. It takes a long time to learn a new behavior, to regain trust, to allow intimacy when that is what got me into trouble in the first place - trusting the wrong person. Which I learned in my childhood from trusting my parents who were the wrong people. So it's understandable that we drive down the road in silence most of the time. It's still better though than the fights and arguments that used to pass the time, while the children sat in the back holding their hands over their ears. I can't beat myself up about that now as I've made my amends and continue to make my amends. I do need to work at communicating without confrontation or fighting, though. Which I'm doing, slowly but surely. Trust the process, my sponsor says. Progress not perfection I hear in meetings. Well, thanks for letting me share. I love your comments. P.S. I've been on my computer all of 30 minutes while the alcoholic has been on his computer most of the morning as well as most of the evening last night. So what does he say to me but are you going to visit with your sister or hang out on your computer all day? That's what I'm talking about. Good grief!


At Thursday, December 03, 2009 6:10:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read a couple of things on this blog that immediately made me sit up. The fact that it is has taken me a long time to trust again...that I no longer need to participate in one-upmanship...these are old behaviours linked with my former alcoholic husband. I still have a very great sense of what is right, what is wrong and what is fair. Of course these are MY values and u better agree with me....NOT.........see there i go using those old crummy memories. Still suffering from the isms.
recently in the Group we took a Group Conscience. It was dominated by a person who needs to have his am trying my very hardest to detach and think Al Anon but on the other hand, I have every right to state my truth. Most of the others are newcomers and still new to the program so don't say anything. It is such a learning process and difficult to remain fair and open when one person dominates. i am re-reading the Concepts and the Al Anon Manual to see how I can approach this....tough going! Trusting my HP on this one!


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