Happy Valentine's Day!

How nice that love isn't restricted to the romantic kind. If it was, I would have been pretty lonely all these years. But because I have many Al-Anon friends, I have always felt loved, even in my darkest moments. Today isn't one of those, however. Today, life is good! I am grateful for all of you out there in blogland as well as my sweet husband who got sober just when I was going to throw in the towel. I am grateful for my children. I am grateful, well, I won't do a Grammy speech. You get the idea. Have a sweetheart of a day and night tomorrow. Talk atcha soon!

WOW, What Feedback!!

I'm amazed and grateful for all the feedback from my last post. Even though I hadn't blogged in a long time, people still came, read, commented, and encouraged me. This can only be a God-thing because what I usually do when I blog is visit other bloggers and comment so they will visit my blog.

In other words, I try to make sure I get read. But I didn't do that this time, and I got read anyway. Even though I hadn't blogged for weeks. You'd think people would get tired of checking in on my blog when there was nothing new. Instead, I had four comments, as many or more than I usually get...

So it is indeed my time to be creative, to give back, to serve in a different way... to write, to share, to use this gift I've been given. To stop worrying if I'm doing the right thing by not concentrating on making money, especially in this global climate of fear... But just for today, I don't need to worry, I only need to trust that I am taken care of right now, in this moment... I am loved, I am worthwhile, I am well on my way to recovering from the family disease of alcoholism...

FYI: I did not take this photo. It is a MS sample. However, it represents how things looked on Thursday when I was driving to an Al-Anon meeting, the same morning I woke up to fog.

Creativity?

I'm back, at least for today. I've been busy - a good excuse. Actually, I've been decluttering my lfie so I can be more creative. Sitting in my meditation chair this morning, I was wondering what to do today - one of those free days with no have-to's - and all my program readings pointed to being creative. So here I am, creating something. But what? I know I'm a writer, but I don't write much. So maybe I'll just share a poem I wrote years ago in February when we were experiencing similar weather, then I'll comment.

Fog in Denver

Fog in Denver
As rare as depression due to the weather
Stretching across the city's sprawl
Surrounding every house in every development
Every car backing out of every driveway
Obscuring the street signs, the stoplights
The front range, the mountains
Leaving us directionless and feeling alone
Some grumble, squinting and straining to see what they cannot
Others fear the hundred-car pile-up that comes out of nowhere
(Maybe cause it themselves)
The rest, though, know it will lift
They endure, enjoy the solitude, the slowing down
Remembering they are not in charge
Grateful for the sun that shines
Most the time, in fact, all the time
Above the fog
In Denver

(c) 2007 Al-Anon Lifer

Hmmm... my thoughts toward the fog this week (before it turned to smog) were that of the God of my understanding, my HP who I've begun to call my GP, my Greater Power, because she is not above me but surrounds me, like fog. I don't have to worry about seeing or being anywhere but in the moment, in my current space, in my chair with a light to read by, perhaps a candle, sometimes with my dog on my lap, but mostly with my hands around my coffee cup, thinking, meditating, open to the possibilities of the rest of my life, no, just the rest of my day.

I am free, totally free, and for that I am grateful. My children are grown. I don't have to work. My spouse is sober. I can indeed keep it simple, or I can complicate my life again if I so choose... but why? What the fog is teaching me is that I don't have to see very far to feel safe. In fact, I feel safer when I can only see my immediate surroundings. Like the old days before satellite TV when we didn't know what was going on "over there," when we didn't feel so helpless or guilty or small. When we had very few choices...

I've been struggling this last week with simplifying my technology... reducing the phone lines, reducing the costs, reducing the stealers of time and energy... and I feel lighter, similar to when I let go of a resentment, like I did again this last week of my blood father whose behavior I blamed for my own bad behavior, most of my life. But no longer. I'm done, not just with the relationship, but with the idea that another person can have that kind of power over me. I am free, free to let my GP help me become, finally, the person I was always meant to be. Me.