Serenity, Just for Today

It occurred to me this morning that I hadn't blogged in a couple of days. Just like I haven't journalled. Although I have done my morning readings and prayer and meditation. It also occurred to me that I am blogging for a reason - to share my experience, strength, and hope. I am not blogging to simply share my pain, so I should blog whether I'm in a crisis or not.

Likewise, I go to meetings whether I am stuck in a problem or living in the solution. I should never forget to pass on this program of recovery to those still suffering and to others who may be in a crisis mode. So here I am, even though I had a good day yesterday and am looking forward to a day at an Al-Anon workshop today. I began yesterday with a nice long visit with my sponsor. She has become like an older sister, which I don't have in my "real" life.

I then got back to exercising at the recreation center that for some reason I like. I don't know if it's because it is new or that when I'm there, I don't have to talk to anybody if I don't want to. I've been to other facilities where one of the jobs of the employees is to engage you in conversation, whether you want to talk or not. I realize they are trying to make exercise fun, but I'm an introvert and usually want to be left alone. If I want to visit with someone, I will call someone to get together for coffee.

This doesn't mean I'm not available for friends, family, and potential and current Al-Anon members should they reach out to me. It simply means that I not only need my time alone to regenerate my spiritual connection with my Higher Power but my physical and mental energy as well. My HP gave me such time last Sunday when I got the gift of the motel pool all to myself for a good hour of soothing music and beautiful flowers.

Without that time, who knows how I would have reacted and acted at the wedding later that day. Rather than just spewing angry words at my sister afterwards, I might have made a public scene hurting more people and ruining an otherwise lovely wedding. Look at the bright side, both my therapist and sponsor have told me, you got things out in the open with your sister (something your family just doesn't do) and made your amends. At least you know how she feels, and she knows how you feel. Perhaps the relationship will flourish now.

Ah, but I'm talking about my crisis of the week when I am not in crisis. I am in serenity thanks to the tools of the Al-Anon program. The greatest of which is learning to forgive myself just as my HP and others have forgiven me. I haven't forgiven my unacceptable behavior, though. That is like condoning it. I have simply forgiven the imperfect, hurting, recovering human being that I am. I will never have it made, and so I work my steps, stay in service, go to meetings, and just for today, blog... Blessings to all of you out there!